The Moment That Almost Destroyed Me>.....

So, as some of you may remember, when I first started blogging my parents suddenly told me they were getting divorced(after almost 30 years of marriage)! To say I was crushed is an understatement!! I walked around for a week in a daze of confusion, sadness, guilt, anxiety and denial. I was in the middle of training for a 10k and I didn't exercise once...not even an attempt...that entire week. I cried every single day, I feared that my own relationship would end the same as theirs did. Love and I had had problems before my parents told me about their divorce and my heart hurt to think that Love and I couldn't make it through anything! I didn't sleep well, I didn't eat much....I kind of just existed!

Then, came the back story. My 2 brothers saw it coming for years. Momma and Daddy's love died years ago. I had moved out 2 years prior and I had no clue! I thought that they would be the ones that made it, the eternal love. They didn't.....they gave up on the same day!

I realized a lot about myself that week. I opened my eyes to a lot of my weaknesses. I also realized that I have drive to not let myself or my weaknesses take advantage of me for the rest of my life. So, I took action!

I started talking to Love more about everything(after being closed off for so long), I worked on my weaknesses and continue to do so, but the 1 thing I really did was take my healthy lifestyle change to a whole new level. I got a gym membership and have used it all but maybe 10 days(minus Sundays when the gym is closed) in almost 2 months. I started eating according to my hunger and schedule, rather than eating my feelings or even NOT eating at all! I have lost almost 7 pounds and I am continuing to run!

I refuse to get down even with all of the stuff that comes up about my parents everyday! I am a happy person on a journey, taking control back of my life. I have grown immensely in a matter of 3 months! I am taking my life, my Love and my training to an all new high!

I refuse to lay down and give up! I refuse to wallow! I refuse to take my anger out on others! I refuse to put my feelings away like they don't matter!! I refuse to not live my life to the fullest!!

Thank you all for all of the support you have given me. It has meant the world to me and really you all inspired me to continue on and not give up!!

The Dust is Settling...

Thanks for the kind words! I really appreciate it. I know that there will be good days and bad days, but "life goes on" says my "big" little brother! I'm not going to let them get me down.

I was running a 5k yesterday and kept thinking about it, when I realized that I need to focus on me and MY life. I feel like a wreck this week, but I shouldn't. It's okay to be sad, but miserable...Not Okay with me! Love has been so supportive these past 3 days. When I cry, he just holds me. He listens when I talk about it. He gives me his honest opinion. He is my rock!! I can already feel how this is changing our relationship for the better. We are both the same way, we only want to get married one time....preferably to each other. That's why we don't push the whole marriage thing. We're letting it take its course. I know that it will be a long road and it will be hard, but I am strong and I always survive....ALWAYS!

Onto cooler things...eating this weekend was not perfect, but not horrible. My worst choices were: wine(2 bottles), the cheesecake, and the late night chips, salsa and queso. Then again, it was all done in moderation(except the wine...yikes)! I am not weighing myself though so I can't say I have a gain or a loss. I can say...I am STILL A 6! Haha! ***TMI is coming up in the next sentence*** I only skipped running on Sunday though(I was hungover), but I threw up just about everything in my body that I had eaten in 2 days....it made me feel so much better!!

Like I said, I ran a 5k last night and I felt so good. My time was long, but I haven't done neighborhoods or HILLS yet. So, i'll be working on speed and such for the next few weeks and then I will dive into 10k or maybe i'll just start 10k training today!

Does anybody have any tips for working on speed?

I Should Have Gotten Water....

Instead, I got a Long Island Iced Tea. It was free poured, which in Utah is ILLEGAL. So, I got a lot more liquor than the 1.5 ounce that is legal.

Friday night, Loves and I took a little nap, chilled at home, and went and got take out from "Mimi's Cafe". I love love love Mimi's. I had salmon and veggies, but I also got the corn chowder which lasted Friday and Saturday. Not too horrible of a choice right? That was until I ate the bread pudding. However, i'm not going to totally beat myself up, because I hadn't had much to eat all day.

Saturday, I started off my day with a 2 mile run at the high school track. I love running on the track! I never thought i'd like running or be able to do it for long. I used to get tired walking up the stairs. Now, I can run 2 whole miles non stop at a good pace. We just hung around the house with our pups for the rest of the day!

Yesterday my legs were a little sore, but I went on a run anyways. Boy, that was an awesome decision. It's so nice to exercise. I feel so much better about my body when I do! Last night we went and saw the "Yeah Yeah Yeahs" in concert and that's where the long island comes in. Too many calories, I know. I was feeling the pain this morning.

You bet your ass next time i'll listen to my inner voice and just order water!!

Staying On Task...

My biggest problem with exercise is my mind wanders. I "allow" my self to take breaks when it gets too hard....Wrong, Very Wrong. Today, I did my second week of training. It was supposed to be the last of 4-6 days that week, however it was only the third. I'll be repeating it next week.

I did stick to it though. I ran the whole time I was supposed to run. No stopping. I pushed through and it felt so phenomenal.

"Loves" and I had a barbecue at his aunt's house tonight. I didn't really do that great at eating, but I listened to what my body had to say. I ate until I was satisfied and I feel good.

Now, I just need to work on drinking enough water. I drink 60+ ounces a day, but I'd like to double that. I feel dehydrated, especially when I exercise.

Overall, I think week 2 went fairly well. Week 1 was awesome, but for getting sick the first part of week 2 and being in bed for 2 days....Week 2 wasn't horrible.

I actually won't be weighing myself until the end of week 4. I know what I started out at and I get VERY discouraged on the weeks I gain or don't lose, so i'll only be weighing every 2 or 4 weeks.

Week 3 starts tomorrow.....

Behind....

I used to think I rocked at blogging. However, I've slacked this last week, with good reason.

My first blog post was all about getting healthy and losing a little of the extra baggage. Yeah, I ran 4 days last week and on my "off day", I got a horrible cold from my grandfather. Okay, not horrible, it lasted a day or two. My breathing though, still not top notch.

I did go jogging/walking last night for the first time in 4 days and i'm definitely not ready for the next week of training I have to do, but I'm going to push through and do my best.

Somethings I'd like to mention:

• I never knew I had as much motivation as i've had the past week and a half. My eating has stayed in check, my workouts have been done, and I am continuing down the path.
• The "Loves" thought I would give up last week, because I always do. I didn't though and today will be the 2nd day of my 2nd week of eating better and working out. He's being very patient and very supportive.
  
• I am already feeling a difference in my attitude and even a little in my body.
  
• It's been easier to resist sweets, just as long as I remind myself of what/how many calories I am about to eat. That thought stops me dead in my tracks, so I don't completely screw myself up.
  

Tomorrow, I'm participating in TMI Thursday and I'm psyched. I have so many TMI's, it is ridiculous!