Friday, January 22, 2010

The Moment That Almost Destroyed Me>.....

So, as some of you may remember, when I first started blogging my parents suddenly told me they were getting divorced(after almost 30 years of marriage)! To say I was crushed is an understatement!! I walked around for a week in a daze of confusion, sadness, guilt, anxiety and denial. I was in the middle of training for a 10k and I didn't exercise once...not even an attempt...that entire week. I cried every single day, I feared that my own relationship would end the same as theirs did. Love and I had had problems before my parents told me about their divorce and my heart hurt to think that Love and I couldn't make it through anything! I didn't sleep well, I didn't eat much....I kind of just existed!

Then, came the back story. My 2 brothers saw it coming for years. Momma and Daddy's love died years ago. I had moved out 2 years prior and I had no clue! I thought that they would be the ones that made it, the eternal love. They didn't.....they gave up on the same day!

I realized a lot about myself that week. I opened my eyes to a lot of my weaknesses. I also realized that I have drive to not let myself or my weaknesses take advantage of me for the rest of my life. So, I took action!

I started talking to Love more about everything(after being closed off for so long), I worked on my weaknesses and continue to do so, but the 1 thing I really did was take my healthy lifestyle change to a whole new level. I got a gym membership and have used it all but maybe 10 days(minus Sundays when the gym is closed) in almost 2 months. I started eating according to my hunger and schedule, rather than eating my feelings or even NOT eating at all! I have lost almost 7 pounds and I am continuing to run!

I refuse to get down even with all of the stuff that comes up about my parents everyday! I am a happy person on a journey, taking control back of my life. I have grown immensely in a matter of 3 months! I am taking my life, my Love and my training to an all new high!

I refuse to lay down and give up! I refuse to wallow! I refuse to take my anger out on others! I refuse to put my feelings away like they don't matter!! I refuse to not live my life to the fullest!!

Thank you all for all of the support you have given me. It has meant the world to me and really you all inspired me to continue on and not give up!!

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